Thursday Worry Wort

Thursday morning..

I have a wierd feeling today.. I got up as usual. Went for my run.. showered, ate my yogurt and blueberries.. now sitting here. I looked back at my jadasextrordinarylife blog this morning. Not sure why the revisit.. but now I know. It was about this time last year that KC gave me marriage ultimatum. It has been an interesting ride since then. I look at myself now and I am a TOTALLY different person than I was a year ago. My wt.. 60lbs less is the most noticeable. My focus is no longer on my heartbreak. I cannot believe it has taken so long to get through this. That 10 days of insanity with him scarred me. I do not know why I did that. Why did I not stand strong and believe in myself? Once again I am reminded that you get a lesson till you learn it. Have I learned it?

I know I use my going work to escape from dealing with the personal issues. Lately though, I have been creating clay work that deals with these personal issues. I wish I had a clearer vision and a better ability to sculpt what is actually in my head. I want to be a better sculptor. Maybe a class would help or maybe just doing it, going through the process will help. I don't know.

My financial issues are coming to a head, and this weighs on my mind every minute. I am buried in medical bills and bills from just living this life. I want to jump and run.. or face it head on.. but it feels like I am inches away from being hit by a train or a mac truck. Even with medical insurance I cannot seem to recoop from the 2 illnesses this year, and it looks like I have more tests coming up. Do people who cannot afford their healthcare just die? Do they give up? I hate to call the doc for anything now because I do not know how much it will cost just to explore what the hell is going on. I wish there was some computer reader that could look into my tummy and see what the hell is wrong and then tell me exactly what to do to fix it!

Today... advanced class.. and studio chores.. I demo'd the BVG little pitchers and sugar bowls this week. Today I think I will do another little sculpture dealing with stomach probs.. maybe she will be a little voodoo type of doll that has her own pins to stick into herself. (this could mean alot of things?!?!)

I taught several people for the first time at the wheel this week. I sometimes am worried that I get a bit short with them and traumatize them for life about the wheel. I try so hard to keep it positive, but sometimes I run out of positive. So, for those of you I traumatized, please come back and try again.. don't ever let one experience turn you off to something.

Here I come CLAY...

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE,

Jada