Monday, November 29, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Thursday Worry Wort
Thursday morning..
I have a wierd feeling today.. I got up as usual. Went for my run.. showered, ate my yogurt and blueberries.. now sitting here. I looked back at my jadasextrordinarylife blog this morning. Not sure why the revisit.. but now I know. It was about this time last year that KC gave me marriage ultimatum. It has been an interesting ride since then. I look at myself now and I am a TOTALLY different person than I was a year ago. My wt.. 60lbs less is the most noticeable. My focus is no longer on my heartbreak. I cannot believe it has taken so long to get through this. That 10 days of insanity with him scarred me. I do not know why I did that. Why did I not stand strong and believe in myself? Once again I am reminded that you get a lesson till you learn it. Have I learned it?
I know I use my going work to escape from dealing with the personal issues. Lately though, I have been creating clay work that deals with these personal issues. I wish I had a clearer vision and a better ability to sculpt what is actually in my head. I want to be a better sculptor. Maybe a class would help or maybe just doing it, going through the process will help. I don't know.
My financial issues are coming to a head, and this weighs on my mind every minute. I am buried in medical bills and bills from just living this life. I want to jump and run.. or face it head on.. but it feels like I am inches away from being hit by a train or a mac truck. Even with medical insurance I cannot seem to recoop from the 2 illnesses this year, and it looks like I have more tests coming up. Do people who cannot afford their healthcare just die? Do they give up? I hate to call the doc for anything now because I do not know how much it will cost just to explore what the hell is going on. I wish there was some computer reader that could look into my tummy and see what the hell is wrong and then tell me exactly what to do to fix it!
Today... advanced class.. and studio chores.. I demo'd the BVG little pitchers and sugar bowls this week. Today I think I will do another little sculpture dealing with stomach probs.. maybe she will be a little voodoo type of doll that has her own pins to stick into herself. (this could mean alot of things?!?!)
I taught several people for the first time at the wheel this week. I sometimes am worried that I get a bit short with them and traumatize them for life about the wheel. I try so hard to keep it positive, but sometimes I run out of positive. So, for those of you I traumatized, please come back and try again.. don't ever let one experience turn you off to something.
Here I come CLAY...
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE,
Jada
I have a wierd feeling today.. I got up as usual. Went for my run.. showered, ate my yogurt and blueberries.. now sitting here. I looked back at my jadasextrordinarylife blog this morning. Not sure why the revisit.. but now I know. It was about this time last year that KC gave me marriage ultimatum. It has been an interesting ride since then. I look at myself now and I am a TOTALLY different person than I was a year ago. My wt.. 60lbs less is the most noticeable. My focus is no longer on my heartbreak. I cannot believe it has taken so long to get through this. That 10 days of insanity with him scarred me. I do not know why I did that. Why did I not stand strong and believe in myself? Once again I am reminded that you get a lesson till you learn it. Have I learned it?
I know I use my going work to escape from dealing with the personal issues. Lately though, I have been creating clay work that deals with these personal issues. I wish I had a clearer vision and a better ability to sculpt what is actually in my head. I want to be a better sculptor. Maybe a class would help or maybe just doing it, going through the process will help. I don't know.
My financial issues are coming to a head, and this weighs on my mind every minute. I am buried in medical bills and bills from just living this life. I want to jump and run.. or face it head on.. but it feels like I am inches away from being hit by a train or a mac truck. Even with medical insurance I cannot seem to recoop from the 2 illnesses this year, and it looks like I have more tests coming up. Do people who cannot afford their healthcare just die? Do they give up? I hate to call the doc for anything now because I do not know how much it will cost just to explore what the hell is going on. I wish there was some computer reader that could look into my tummy and see what the hell is wrong and then tell me exactly what to do to fix it!
Today... advanced class.. and studio chores.. I demo'd the BVG little pitchers and sugar bowls this week. Today I think I will do another little sculpture dealing with stomach probs.. maybe she will be a little voodoo type of doll that has her own pins to stick into herself. (this could mean alot of things?!?!)
I taught several people for the first time at the wheel this week. I sometimes am worried that I get a bit short with them and traumatize them for life about the wheel. I try so hard to keep it positive, but sometimes I run out of positive. So, for those of you I traumatized, please come back and try again.. don't ever let one experience turn you off to something.
Here I come CLAY...
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE,
Jada
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Lots to Say
I have lots to say, but so little time to say it...
Cool things that are happening..
I am working.. making art, helping people make art. This makes me happy. I have several beginners this session. They remind me of me when I started, and ground me-keeping me off my pedestal by remembering we all have to start somewhere. It is refreshing and frustrating at the same time. I have some GREAT helpers in the studio who just put the icing on the cake for me. They make my job seem easy when they are there and hard when they are not.
I got to spend some time with the GRANDONE this past weekend. He is amazing and wonderful and kissable, huggable and loveable. My daughter is an amazing MOM!
I went kayaking on Monday.. one of my top 10 trips I would say. The water was peaceful, there were only a few motorboats.. I felt I almost had the lake to myself. I did some paddling in which I totally "zenned" out and felt timeless, weightless and free. 6 hours alone paddling, gives one lots of time to think. I think about my worries, my successes and where do I go from here. I feel that the past several months has been peeling me back to who I really am, although I don't know if I will ever be sure, I am feeling more and more comfortable with myself and my thoughts.
I should have a computer very soon!!! My friend D. is buying it, and letting me make payments!! I will be glad to have my own, and to be able to write and assemble my work/photos/lessons into one cohesive unit again. I also promise always to back up everthing so I don't loose it ALL again. I feel I am having a do-over, and maybe I needed that. I will try to coincide my finishing cleaning out my office with the arrival of the computer, that way I can have a VERY FRESH and clean start.
I need to make more money!! (Don't we all!) I am tired of living on the edge.(aren't we all?)..
I am still concerned with the fact that I make "things". "Things" that people don't necessarily NEED. I believe we are going into a time of "less is more" and that concerns me being that I am in the business of making "more". I like to make things for people to use and to enjoy. I LIKE drinking out of handmade coffee cups and eating out of handmade bowls. What I LOVE though is making "things" that have meaning. I want to portray an emotion, experience or feeling in my work. It is hard to do. Sometimes what I want to say and what the viewer sees are very different. ---now how do I reconcile this with my need for more income. I want to make things that are not NEEDED. I want to make things that give people pause and make them think.
How do I do that and make money to live on too? Do I sacrifice and loose what I have materially so I can do it? Or do I give up that notion until the economy is better?
My mom said to me, "The number one thing to you is to make pots.." almost like it was a revelation to her. I know this! I know it so well.. I feel like I am always torn between pots and income. How do I make this work? Funny thing is, someone else, who I just met said something very similar to me. If this is so obvious to everyone how come I am so torn over it? How come you stereotypically have to be poor to make art?
Well.. the money maker is calling, gotta go to work... maybe some art will come today.
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE,
Jada
Cool things that are happening..
I am working.. making art, helping people make art. This makes me happy. I have several beginners this session. They remind me of me when I started, and ground me-keeping me off my pedestal by remembering we all have to start somewhere. It is refreshing and frustrating at the same time. I have some GREAT helpers in the studio who just put the icing on the cake for me. They make my job seem easy when they are there and hard when they are not.
I got to spend some time with the GRANDONE this past weekend. He is amazing and wonderful and kissable, huggable and loveable. My daughter is an amazing MOM!
I went kayaking on Monday.. one of my top 10 trips I would say. The water was peaceful, there were only a few motorboats.. I felt I almost had the lake to myself. I did some paddling in which I totally "zenned" out and felt timeless, weightless and free. 6 hours alone paddling, gives one lots of time to think. I think about my worries, my successes and where do I go from here. I feel that the past several months has been peeling me back to who I really am, although I don't know if I will ever be sure, I am feeling more and more comfortable with myself and my thoughts.
I should have a computer very soon!!! My friend D. is buying it, and letting me make payments!! I will be glad to have my own, and to be able to write and assemble my work/photos/lessons into one cohesive unit again. I also promise always to back up everthing so I don't loose it ALL again. I feel I am having a do-over, and maybe I needed that. I will try to coincide my finishing cleaning out my office with the arrival of the computer, that way I can have a VERY FRESH and clean start.
I need to make more money!! (Don't we all!) I am tired of living on the edge.(aren't we all?)..
I am still concerned with the fact that I make "things". "Things" that people don't necessarily NEED. I believe we are going into a time of "less is more" and that concerns me being that I am in the business of making "more". I like to make things for people to use and to enjoy. I LIKE drinking out of handmade coffee cups and eating out of handmade bowls. What I LOVE though is making "things" that have meaning. I want to portray an emotion, experience or feeling in my work. It is hard to do. Sometimes what I want to say and what the viewer sees are very different. ---now how do I reconcile this with my need for more income. I want to make things that are not NEEDED. I want to make things that give people pause and make them think.
How do I do that and make money to live on too? Do I sacrifice and loose what I have materially so I can do it? Or do I give up that notion until the economy is better?
My mom said to me, "The number one thing to you is to make pots.." almost like it was a revelation to her. I know this! I know it so well.. I feel like I am always torn between pots and income. How do I make this work? Funny thing is, someone else, who I just met said something very similar to me. If this is so obvious to everyone how come I am so torn over it? How come you stereotypically have to be poor to make art?
Well.. the money maker is calling, gotta go to work... maybe some art will come today.
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE,
Jada
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Rainy Thursday
Funny thing to have a rainy day! No sun to wake me up this morning so I slept in a bit. I did not go for a run. I had coffee on my patio in a cup from one of the lab techs from Tahoe, and it is a awesome cup! My bkfst was in a bowl from Takemi another of the lab techs (a Cone 10) from Tahoe. (Cone 10 is an inside joke that the gals in the studio and I came up with that rates a person, not necessarily physically, but in quality) Cone 10 is at the top of the scale as that is what we fire to in the big kiln. I think of that trip to Tahoe everyday. I have pots around me now that remind me of the experience. I wish that the computer had not broken so I could have finished blogging about that. I feel too far away from it now to give it a fresh perspective. I still may return to writing my memories of it, or not.
Today I get my hair done for the wedding.. I know it is a week off, but I wanted to give it a chance to settle so that it is not just fresh cut and out of order. I also have a "date" tonite, with an old friend (I have known him approx 15 years) to go to the casino to see a "Disco" band. I wonder if I should wear my white polyester pants and get ready to shoot my #1 finger up in the air as we rock out? It will be fun in any event.
Today I am quite concerned about my enrollment for the fall classes. Last check there was probably 25 spaces filled out of a potential 84 spaces in 7 classes. I would like 60 students. I can't decide if I should hold the classes with-out students and hope and pray they show up or if I should cancel until they do show up. (I am eternally hopeful to a fault that this will all work out) Some of you may know that I get paid by the head not by the hour. For my summer teaching, because of low enrollment I think I made about $8 an hour, before taxes.. this is quite scary. Lately I have been reading about the economy and some predictions say that we are in a depression that could last 10 years or more.. if this is the case I must find a way to make clay a necessity, 'lest I lose my livelyhood. I know it is a necessity to me!!!
I am thankful to my daughter for letting me use her computer so I can write again. I so want my own computer back so that I can get my business matters taken care of.
More laters..
Love,
Love,
Love,
Jada
Today I get my hair done for the wedding.. I know it is a week off, but I wanted to give it a chance to settle so that it is not just fresh cut and out of order. I also have a "date" tonite, with an old friend (I have known him approx 15 years) to go to the casino to see a "Disco" band. I wonder if I should wear my white polyester pants and get ready to shoot my #1 finger up in the air as we rock out? It will be fun in any event.
Today I am quite concerned about my enrollment for the fall classes. Last check there was probably 25 spaces filled out of a potential 84 spaces in 7 classes. I would like 60 students. I can't decide if I should hold the classes with-out students and hope and pray they show up or if I should cancel until they do show up. (I am eternally hopeful to a fault that this will all work out) Some of you may know that I get paid by the head not by the hour. For my summer teaching, because of low enrollment I think I made about $8 an hour, before taxes.. this is quite scary. Lately I have been reading about the economy and some predictions say that we are in a depression that could last 10 years or more.. if this is the case I must find a way to make clay a necessity, 'lest I lose my livelyhood. I know it is a necessity to me!!!
I am thankful to my daughter for letting me use her computer so I can write again. I so want my own computer back so that I can get my business matters taken care of.
More laters..
Love,
Love,
Love,
Jada
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Missin' Blogging
I sure am missing writing. I am borrowing my daughter's computer but am very afraid to do much on the computer. What if that virus comes back? I don't want to push any buttons at all to look at anything.
Work is slow. I am very frustrated with my employer for not producing the catalog for classes in a timely manner. It is a week and a half until classes start and still no hard copy of the catalog. You can see it on line though. I am on the cover!! That is fun.. not an especially attractive photo, but it's me doing what I do!
My daughters wedding is coming up! I am so excited. Family and friends will be here. I have my dress and shoes. I tried it all on last nite and it looks GREAT! I will post photos after the wedding. James is coming in on the first and I will go pick him and his fiance' up at the airport.
I glaze fired some of my pieces from the Tahoe workshop. They look awesome. I will post here when I can figure out how this computer works. I plan to have my computer up and running in about 2 weeks. I still need to financially recover from the last month before I can ok a new motherboard.
I have been dating.. it is fine. I think I am just afraid of being close to someone and getting hurt. I hope this feeling fades in time. I started reading Eat, Pray, Love.. the first 6 chapters are ever so familiar to me. Some things in those first chapters totally parallel my life. She talks about how her world is turned upside down during her divorce and how she wanted to die sometimes. I think the boyfriend after the marriage is my KC.. she describes him as an addiction. KC and I use to say that about each other. I use to say I needed to go to KC Anonymous.. maybe I still do...
Today is a "BRAND NEW DAY" I will treat it with the respect and wonder it deserves and keep my mind open..
More as soon as I can..
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE,
Jada
Work is slow. I am very frustrated with my employer for not producing the catalog for classes in a timely manner. It is a week and a half until classes start and still no hard copy of the catalog. You can see it on line though. I am on the cover!! That is fun.. not an especially attractive photo, but it's me doing what I do!
My daughters wedding is coming up! I am so excited. Family and friends will be here. I have my dress and shoes. I tried it all on last nite and it looks GREAT! I will post photos after the wedding. James is coming in on the first and I will go pick him and his fiance' up at the airport.
I glaze fired some of my pieces from the Tahoe workshop. They look awesome. I will post here when I can figure out how this computer works. I plan to have my computer up and running in about 2 weeks. I still need to financially recover from the last month before I can ok a new motherboard.
I have been dating.. it is fine. I think I am just afraid of being close to someone and getting hurt. I hope this feeling fades in time. I started reading Eat, Pray, Love.. the first 6 chapters are ever so familiar to me. Some things in those first chapters totally parallel my life. She talks about how her world is turned upside down during her divorce and how she wanted to die sometimes. I think the boyfriend after the marriage is my KC.. she describes him as an addiction. KC and I use to say that about each other. I use to say I needed to go to KC Anonymous.. maybe I still do...
Today is a "BRAND NEW DAY" I will treat it with the respect and wonder it deserves and keep my mind open..
More as soon as I can..
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE,
Jada
Monday, August 16, 2010
YIKES
Had an awesome time in Tahoe. Am now making up for having such a great time.. my computer got a virus and is a total loss, as are all my documents, photos, music and book.. Wilma(my dog) went thru a plate glass window during the storm, but will be ok with the help of valium. Can't get worse, right?
I want so much to write more.. no computer for now though. I will work on getting another one, but isn't gonna happen right away. I will see if I can start writing again on other peoples computers and save it on a flash drive.
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE,
Jada
I want so much to write more.. no computer for now though. I will work on getting another one, but isn't gonna happen right away. I will see if I can start writing again on other peoples computers and save it on a flash drive.
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE,
Jada
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Change is inevitable..
I am home, trying to get back into the routine. It was very nice to be back at teaching yesterday. I had so much to share about what happened last week. Most of the time I really don't know where to start and where to end when telling people about what happened. I have work to show to talk about and that has been a great hit. I want to start glazing but will wait till next week.
There isn't enough time in my days to write. I do have tomorrow off, and will do some catch up on last week then.
Some interesting things are starting to develop not only in my thinking, but in my life. I know I am a bit stagnate where I am at. I am not growing. I am staying the same. I know I need to restart my studio here at home. I need a private place to work and to concentrate with-out teaching. There are too many limits where I work in regards to what I "think" I want to do. I also had an interesting converstation with my boss about a possible job change. I think about this and the health problems I have had in the past year and how this might help. I just don't think I can sit at a desk, or be without clay. Something is going to change, I feel it. I just don't know what it is.
More tomorrow...
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE,
Jada
There isn't enough time in my days to write. I do have tomorrow off, and will do some catch up on last week then.
Some interesting things are starting to develop not only in my thinking, but in my life. I know I am a bit stagnate where I am at. I am not growing. I am staying the same. I know I need to restart my studio here at home. I need a private place to work and to concentrate with-out teaching. There are too many limits where I work in regards to what I "think" I want to do. I also had an interesting converstation with my boss about a possible job change. I think about this and the health problems I have had in the past year and how this might help. I just don't think I can sit at a desk, or be without clay. Something is going to change, I feel it. I just don't know what it is.
More tomorrow...
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE,
Jada
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