Thursday morning..
I have a wierd feeling today.. I got up as usual. Went for my run.. showered, ate my yogurt and blueberries.. now sitting here. I looked back at my jadasextrordinarylife blog this morning. Not sure why the revisit.. but now I know. It was about this time last year that KC gave me marriage ultimatum. It has been an interesting ride since then. I look at myself now and I am a TOTALLY different person than I was a year ago. My wt.. 60lbs less is the most noticeable. My focus is no longer on my heartbreak. I cannot believe it has taken so long to get through this. That 10 days of insanity with him scarred me. I do not know why I did that. Why did I not stand strong and believe in myself? Once again I am reminded that you get a lesson till you learn it. Have I learned it?
I know I use my going work to escape from dealing with the personal issues. Lately though, I have been creating clay work that deals with these personal issues. I wish I had a clearer vision and a better ability to sculpt what is actually in my head. I want to be a better sculptor. Maybe a class would help or maybe just doing it, going through the process will help. I don't know.
My financial issues are coming to a head, and this weighs on my mind every minute. I am buried in medical bills and bills from just living this life. I want to jump and run.. or face it head on.. but it feels like I am inches away from being hit by a train or a mac truck. Even with medical insurance I cannot seem to recoop from the 2 illnesses this year, and it looks like I have more tests coming up. Do people who cannot afford their healthcare just die? Do they give up? I hate to call the doc for anything now because I do not know how much it will cost just to explore what the hell is going on. I wish there was some computer reader that could look into my tummy and see what the hell is wrong and then tell me exactly what to do to fix it!
Today... advanced class.. and studio chores.. I demo'd the BVG little pitchers and sugar bowls this week. Today I think I will do another little sculpture dealing with stomach probs.. maybe she will be a little voodoo type of doll that has her own pins to stick into herself. (this could mean alot of things?!?!)
I taught several people for the first time at the wheel this week. I sometimes am worried that I get a bit short with them and traumatize them for life about the wheel. I try so hard to keep it positive, but sometimes I run out of positive. So, for those of you I traumatized, please come back and try again.. don't ever let one experience turn you off to something.
Here I come CLAY...
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE,
Jada
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Lots to Say
I have lots to say, but so little time to say it...
Cool things that are happening..
I am working.. making art, helping people make art. This makes me happy. I have several beginners this session. They remind me of me when I started, and ground me-keeping me off my pedestal by remembering we all have to start somewhere. It is refreshing and frustrating at the same time. I have some GREAT helpers in the studio who just put the icing on the cake for me. They make my job seem easy when they are there and hard when they are not.
I got to spend some time with the GRANDONE this past weekend. He is amazing and wonderful and kissable, huggable and loveable. My daughter is an amazing MOM!
I went kayaking on Monday.. one of my top 10 trips I would say. The water was peaceful, there were only a few motorboats.. I felt I almost had the lake to myself. I did some paddling in which I totally "zenned" out and felt timeless, weightless and free. 6 hours alone paddling, gives one lots of time to think. I think about my worries, my successes and where do I go from here. I feel that the past several months has been peeling me back to who I really am, although I don't know if I will ever be sure, I am feeling more and more comfortable with myself and my thoughts.
I should have a computer very soon!!! My friend D. is buying it, and letting me make payments!! I will be glad to have my own, and to be able to write and assemble my work/photos/lessons into one cohesive unit again. I also promise always to back up everthing so I don't loose it ALL again. I feel I am having a do-over, and maybe I needed that. I will try to coincide my finishing cleaning out my office with the arrival of the computer, that way I can have a VERY FRESH and clean start.
I need to make more money!! (Don't we all!) I am tired of living on the edge.(aren't we all?)..
I am still concerned with the fact that I make "things". "Things" that people don't necessarily NEED. I believe we are going into a time of "less is more" and that concerns me being that I am in the business of making "more". I like to make things for people to use and to enjoy. I LIKE drinking out of handmade coffee cups and eating out of handmade bowls. What I LOVE though is making "things" that have meaning. I want to portray an emotion, experience or feeling in my work. It is hard to do. Sometimes what I want to say and what the viewer sees are very different. ---now how do I reconcile this with my need for more income. I want to make things that are not NEEDED. I want to make things that give people pause and make them think.
How do I do that and make money to live on too? Do I sacrifice and loose what I have materially so I can do it? Or do I give up that notion until the economy is better?
My mom said to me, "The number one thing to you is to make pots.." almost like it was a revelation to her. I know this! I know it so well.. I feel like I am always torn between pots and income. How do I make this work? Funny thing is, someone else, who I just met said something very similar to me. If this is so obvious to everyone how come I am so torn over it? How come you stereotypically have to be poor to make art?
Well.. the money maker is calling, gotta go to work... maybe some art will come today.
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE,
Jada
Cool things that are happening..
I am working.. making art, helping people make art. This makes me happy. I have several beginners this session. They remind me of me when I started, and ground me-keeping me off my pedestal by remembering we all have to start somewhere. It is refreshing and frustrating at the same time. I have some GREAT helpers in the studio who just put the icing on the cake for me. They make my job seem easy when they are there and hard when they are not.
I got to spend some time with the GRANDONE this past weekend. He is amazing and wonderful and kissable, huggable and loveable. My daughter is an amazing MOM!
I went kayaking on Monday.. one of my top 10 trips I would say. The water was peaceful, there were only a few motorboats.. I felt I almost had the lake to myself. I did some paddling in which I totally "zenned" out and felt timeless, weightless and free. 6 hours alone paddling, gives one lots of time to think. I think about my worries, my successes and where do I go from here. I feel that the past several months has been peeling me back to who I really am, although I don't know if I will ever be sure, I am feeling more and more comfortable with myself and my thoughts.
I should have a computer very soon!!! My friend D. is buying it, and letting me make payments!! I will be glad to have my own, and to be able to write and assemble my work/photos/lessons into one cohesive unit again. I also promise always to back up everthing so I don't loose it ALL again. I feel I am having a do-over, and maybe I needed that. I will try to coincide my finishing cleaning out my office with the arrival of the computer, that way I can have a VERY FRESH and clean start.
I need to make more money!! (Don't we all!) I am tired of living on the edge.(aren't we all?)..
I am still concerned with the fact that I make "things". "Things" that people don't necessarily NEED. I believe we are going into a time of "less is more" and that concerns me being that I am in the business of making "more". I like to make things for people to use and to enjoy. I LIKE drinking out of handmade coffee cups and eating out of handmade bowls. What I LOVE though is making "things" that have meaning. I want to portray an emotion, experience or feeling in my work. It is hard to do. Sometimes what I want to say and what the viewer sees are very different. ---now how do I reconcile this with my need for more income. I want to make things that are not NEEDED. I want to make things that give people pause and make them think.
How do I do that and make money to live on too? Do I sacrifice and loose what I have materially so I can do it? Or do I give up that notion until the economy is better?
My mom said to me, "The number one thing to you is to make pots.." almost like it was a revelation to her. I know this! I know it so well.. I feel like I am always torn between pots and income. How do I make this work? Funny thing is, someone else, who I just met said something very similar to me. If this is so obvious to everyone how come I am so torn over it? How come you stereotypically have to be poor to make art?
Well.. the money maker is calling, gotta go to work... maybe some art will come today.
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE,
Jada
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